c'est la vie

This is just the way life is.

My life for the past several weeks are like a rabbit in a magician hat. I can't see anything except my work. Memang agak lebay ya, tapi that's the way I feel. Hidup saya siang malam hanya berputar di analisa data for a book chapter. Rasanya seperti dibanting bolak balik, harus bisa ini, harus bisa itu, harus cepet ngerti, harus cepet bikinnya, harus bener angkanya dll. Pokoknya zero error.

I often feel like I've been push to the limit. Sometimes, well, most of the time, rasanya pengen "terjun" aja saking frustrasinya. Gimana ngga. I almost had no sleep. Bisa hanya 1 atau 2 jam tidur. Bagas seperti normalnya bayi usia 5 bulan masih rutin minta susu 2 jam atau bahkan sejam sekali. I'm not complaining about my son, it's a natural thing to do and I love nursing him, tapi... yes, I'm questioning my work.

Sering terbersit dalam hati, do I really have to work? Do I really need the money? Is this all worthed? Pulang terlambat, sampai rumah kerja lagi sampai pagi, weekend pun buka komputer. Why? Do I have to? Do I NEED to?

Sampai sekarang saya masih mencari jawabannya, walau saya tahu prioritas hidup saya.

So far I have been blessed to have a husband like @omjambul.

Seriously, he never complains. Tidak pernah meminta saya masak, cuci baju or any kind of domestic work. Yang penting saya jangan ngambek, itu aja. Hehehe.

Tentang pekerjaan saya inipun, @omjambul menyerahkannya kepada saya. Dia paling hanya bertanya "Kamu senang ga dengan yang kamu lakukan sekarang? Kalau senang, lakukan".

Duh. That's a simple but tough question.

I actually like doing research but what I don't like is the overtime, over demanding work.

Apalagi ditambah dengan lingkungan kantor yang hijau, udara segar, jarak dengan rumah yang hanya 15 menit naik mobil dan of course, the numbers.

Until now, I am still hanging on. But I don't know until when.

Yang pasti, I will never sacrifice my time with my family especially my two sons.

Time flies too fast. And my children will grow and get mature in a blink of an eye. And they are boys. They need to see the world out there, fly from the nest, be independent. Be a man.

Tapi sekarang, ketika mereka masih anak-anak, saya ingin memeluk mereka, mencium mereka, membersihkan pup mereka, menari bersama mereka, sesering yang saya bisa. I don't care if that means that I have to lose my job. Sebelum saya menyesal.

C'est la vie, we'll see :)